The World's Strongest
by Sael
Summary: The members of AVALANCHE face off in an armwrestling tournament that will decide the world's strongest!


**A/N:** I had way too much fun writing this. Hopefully you'll have as much fun reading it. It's just a really long one-shot that takes place a few days after Advent Children.

The World's Strongest

Passersby shot inquisitive looks at the wooden sign that hung from Seventh Heaven's door, their curiosity tickled by the sudden outbursts that emitted from within. The sign read "Closed for business," and yet Tifa Lockhart's popular diner and bar seemed to be currently occupied, considering the thunderous voices that could be heard from several yards away. Though they desired to know what was causing such a riot, they had no choice but to disregard their interests and move on.

Within the walls of the pub, the air reeked of sweat and alcohol as well as the heavy stench of Cid Highwind's regular filter cigarettes. The once neatly organized tables were now assembled against the walls, and only one wooden table remained at the center of the bar. Familiar faces were scattered across the room, most of them revealing smiles and laughter, while others, such as Rude and Vincent Valentine, concealed their excitement under the emotionless masks of their visages. The Turks had been invited over to Tifa's diner for the celebration of the Meteorfall Anniversary. Reno and Rude were the only ones who had decided to show up. The dinner had ended up being rather awkward. There was a lot of "…" coming from Vincent and Rude, a lot of smoking coming from Cid, and a lot of giggles and chatter coming from Marlene and Denzel. In an attempt to shatter the social barriers between AVALANCHE and the two Turks, Yuffie Kisaragi suggested having an arm-wrestling tournament. Her idea had been initially followed by another moment of awkward silence, but Tifa Lockhart cheerfully agreed, saying it was a nice way to socialize but simultaneously compete with one another. After some giggles and murmurs from around the bar, the group had agreed to participate; all but Nanaki, who was not capable of taking part in "such humanly games." Reeve, also, had excused himself from the tournament, mainly because he claimed to be a "man of brains, not brawn," but also to even out the number of contestants. And so the materiaphilic ninja girl from Wutai set up the official rules for the arm-wrestling tournament: It was to be an elimination tournament; losers were disqualified. There would be no use of materia; only the use of pure body strength was allowed. There would be no twisting of the wrists or any other "cheap" maneuvers in the matches. And lastly, (Yuffie was looking at Barret when she said this) there would be no leaning forward or sideways to utilize the addition of weight in the matches. She also threw in that the losers of each match would face consequences (which ended up working like the "dare" part of the game "true or dare"), and that the overall champion of the tournament would claim the title as "the world's strongest." After randomly drawing names from a glass container, Yuffie wrote out the match-ups on a poster board Marlene had brought from her room. The results had been…quite interesting.

Round 1: Barret v. Reno

Round 2: Cloud v. Vincent

Round 3: Rude v. Tifa

Round 4: Cid v. Yuffie

At approximately nine forty-six p.m., the ultimate challenge between the world's super powers commenced.

Due to the fact that Barret's prosthetic arm was considered "unfair," the match took place between the contestants' left arms. This was good for Reno in that the red-headed Turk was a lefty. However, Barret had still crushed him with ease, as Reno's biceps were thinner than Barret's wrists.

"So, Barret," Yuffie said, sipping from her glass of soda. "What's Reno's consequence?"

Barret grinned in a rather maniacal way, causing the exhausted Reno to shiver in suspicion.

"Tell him to shave his head!" Cid yelled, sucking at the end of his cigarette. Even Rude found himself grinning at that thought.

"Yo, Barret, ya gotta take it easy on me, man!" Reno said, rubbing his wrists. "I ain't shavin' nuttin! It took me ten years to grow this ponytail!"

"Then take off his eyebrows," Vincent said.

"Oh my _gawd!_ I would pay _gil _to see Reno with no eyebrows!"

"As would I," Reeve said.

"Nah," Barret muttered. He had something better in mind. "Yo, Reno. Why don'tcha show us how you look without the elastic on your ponytail!"

Rude nearly snorted out his beer. He and Elena had snipped off the elastic once, and they ended up buying him a "sorry" card afterwards, but it had definitely been one of the funnier moments of Rude's life.

"Hell no!" Reno shouted.

"You gotta follow the rules!" Yuffie screamed, slamming her glass of soda against the table. "C'mon, Reno! Don't be such a pansy!"

"Maybe he's afraid he'll look more feminine than Cloud did when he cross-dressed," Tifa teased.

"Cloud did _what?!"_

The Turks had not been aware of Cloud's "little adventures" in the Wall Market from two years ago. Cloud was glaring at Tifa, but she merely smiled back at him.

"I'll show you the picture if you agree to keep the rules," she said.

"Done!"

Reno pulled off the elastic, unleashing a rather frightening mane of red hair. The entire bar roared with laughter, but what was really unexpected was the sudden flash of light, followed by a slight _click_ that occurred right after he'd taken out the elastic.

"You took a PICTURE?!" he screamed, already halfway across the room and clawing madly at Yuffie.

The giggling ninja tossed the camera at Tifa, who tossed it to Cloud, who tossed it to Barret, who tossed it to Vincent. It was now in safe hands. Vincent glared venomously at the lion-like Turk, forcing him to step down and return to his seat next to Rude. Vincent then looked down at the screen of the digital camera, and emitted a sound that resembled a feeble snicker. It was more like a _heh-heh._

"You look weird, Mr. Reno," Marlene said. "Maybe you should get a haircut."

Rude had never laughed so hysterically in his life, and Reno spent the remainder of the night chugging down beer after beer.

"Alright guys, Cloud and Vincent, you two are up next!" Yuffie yelled happily, her attention still fixed on the disturbingly funny image of Reno in the digicam.

Vincent forced out a grin, but much of it was concealed under his collar.

"You sure you up for this, Cloud?"

"Shut up, Vincent," the blonde man scowled back. Surely he would emerge victorious. After all, he'd been infused with mako, he'd defeated Sephiroth twice, and he'd survived a one-on-three battle against the Remnants. Oh, and don't forget the fact that he had obliterated Big Bro in a squats competition! His opponent was an ex-Turk, yes, but he had also spent three decades locked up in a coffin, which would have undoubtedly had an affect on his physical strength as well.

"Get into position!" Yuffie snapped, wiping off the soda from her lips.

Cloud Strife and Vincent Valentine joined each other at the center table, and already the bar was filled with a chorus of whistles and cheers. "Go get 'em Vinnie!" "Show him how it's done, Cloud!" "Yo, Cid! Hundred gil says that Vince'll win in less than a minute!" "Ha, you're outta your damn mind, muscles! Spike'll make that vampire throw himself back into that damn coffin of his!"

"Ready…"

Cloud and Vincent grasped the other's hand, squeezing tightly and glaring at each other, and causing frightening amounts of electromagnetic waves to burst out from their eyeballs.

"Set…"

"Yo, Reeve! Who do _you_ think will win this match?"

"My money's on Vincent."

"It would be wise not to underestimate Cloud," Nanaki said.

"Go!"

The wooden table immediately began to vibrate as the two contenders heaved madly against the other's arm, grunting and groaning in hopes to overpower his foe.

"Damn," Cid mumbled, puffing at his newly lit cigarette. "Vince is winnin'."

"'Course Vince is winning! Damn right, I told you, man!"

"No! Look! Cloud's coming back!"

Tifa let out a _"woohoo!"_ and hopped up and down like a cheerful child. "Yeah! Go Cloud!"

Indeed Cloud was winning; Vincent's arm was now leaning back at a sixty degree angle, and soon, he would be the loser. Vincent continued to scowl at the ex-SOLIDER (in his head), and shunned the thought of losing to Cloud Strife. Was it not _he_ who saved Cloud from the Remnants? Was it not _he_ who helped bring Cloud back from his mako-poisoned state? Was it not _he_ who stopped the others from helping Cloud defeat Kadaj so that he would be able to overcome his memories? Vincent grimaced. _I'll be damned to hell before I allow myself to lose to him,_ he thought, and with that, the transformation commenced.

"What the HELL! Hey Yuffie! Is that allowed?!"

Yuffie screamed gleefully, "Yeah! Go Vinnie! Show that spikey-ass jerk!"

Cloud watched in horror as the hand in his grasp slowly sprouted out bluish-purple fur, its thickness expanding rapidly, and an overwhelming strength replacing that of Vincent's own.

"That's not _fair!"_ Marlene and Denzel shouted in unison.

"Hey! He's not using any _materia,_ is he?!" Yuffie retaliated.

When Vincent's shape-shifting was complete, he easily slammed Cloud's wrist onto the wooden surface, claiming an immediate victory.

"Cheapskate," Cloud hissed.

The Galian Beast snickered in response.

After the match, Vincent returned to his normal form and walked back to the corner of the bar, where he carefully pondered what Cloud's consequence would be.

"Yo Cid! Pay up!"

"That was the cheapest piece of—"

"A bet's a bet!"

Cid rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket, counting out a hundred gil and handing it over to the grinning Barret.

"Hell yeah! Don't worry, Marlene! Papa's gonna pay for your schoolin!"

"So Vinnie! What're you gonna make Cloud do?"

Cloud was leaning over on the sofa, his arms crossed and eyes glaring. Marlene and Denzel were at his side, trying to cheer him up.

"Oh my God! Make _Cloud_ shave his head! _And_ his eyebrows!" Yuffie snorted. Tifa glared at her.

"Hmm…" Vincent was still deep in thought. But it wasn't long until his curiosity forced him to speak out. "Hey Cloud…I'll make this simple for you…"

Cloud didn't like the tone of that voice (even if it was monotone).

"I'm sure a lot of people have been wondering about this…"

Yuffie's eyes glistened. Even Barret and Cid were leaning over to hear.

"Who do you have a crush on?" Vincent stated plainly.

Cloud's eyes widened.

"What kinda consequence is that?!"

"Just answer the damn question, Spike!" Barret roared.

"I am curious as well," Rude said.

Wait. Did Rude just _talk?!_

Yuffie noticed that Tifa was looking away. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "Hey Vinnie! That was a dumb question! Who gives a _damn_ who Cloud likes?"

"I do," Vincent responded.

"Hell, so do I!"

"Yeah, let's hear it!"

"It's Tifa."

"Speak it out man!"

"Don't be such a pansy!"

"It's Tifa."

"Shit, when I was your age, I _never_ hesitated to speak out my mind!"

"That's a scary thought, Cid."

"It's _TIFA!"_

The bar went silent. The sound of crickets was all that was heard, and a tumble weed blew by. Cloud's face was now redder than Vincent's cloak, and Tifa's face was paler than Vincent's skin. After a very long and awkward moment, Yuffie's screeching voice broke the silence.

"On with the tournament!"

Cloud spent the remainder of the night sharing drinks with Reno.

Next up were Rude and Tifa. This match had potential as well. Rude was the main heavy-hitting tank for the Turks as his massive physique implied; he was more comfortable using brute force and pure strength than any other weapons ShinRa offered. Tifa, on the other hand, was AVALANCHE's best hand-to-hand fighter. She was Zangan's finest student, which said a lot.

The match was a very long and gruesome battle. Tifa struggled the entire time, using every ounce of strength she had (which was a frightening amount) to gain the upper hand. Rude was indeed a fearsome opponent, and the fact that he lifted more than his own body weight each morning as a "warm-up exercise" wasn't helping her at all. Unfortunately for Rude, however, no one was cheering for him; Reno was pretty much passed out on the far table, and Cloud was chugging down a glass of beer every thirty seconds. In the end, Tifa lost.

"Awwww! I wanted _Tifa_ to win!" Marlene pouted.

"Yeah, seriously! Hey bald man! Why didn't you go easy on Tifa?!" Denzel shouted.

Rude was a little shocked. _Bald man?_

"Well, Roodey? What does Tifa hafta do?"

Tifa panted heavily and collapsed over the couch. "Just know that I'm _not_ shaving my head –pant- pant -, _or_ my eyebrows!"

"Damn!" Cid whispered.

Rude had to think about this. He was at a loss here since he had had a secret crush on Tifa Lockhart for a little while.

"Um…"

"Make her rap!"

"Make her kiss Vincent when he turns into that monster!"

"Make her lick Barret's big toe!"

"Alright, man, that was just _sick_."

"SHUT UP! I AM NOT DOING **ANY** OF THAT!"

"The rapping thing wasn't too bad, though, was it?"

"I don't _listen_ to rap!"

Yuffie snorted out in laughter. "Oh. My. GAWD! Tifa Lockhart _RAPPING?!_ PUHAHAHAHAHA! That's like watching Barret sing opera! Or Vinnie sing country!"

"That's quite enough, Yuffie," Vincent cut.

"Well, Rude? What does she have to do?" Cid asked.

Rude rubbed his chin.

"Hmm…how about…"

Everyone leaned in. Even the half-drunk Cloud.

"…how about you burp your name?"

After a brief moment of silence, Yuffie screamed, "OH MY GAWD! That's the worst thing I've ever heard in my LIFE!"

"Damn, Rude," Cid said. "You were a deprived child, weren't you?"

"Man, I bet Marlene could think of a better consequence than that!"

Tifa was the only one who was relieved. "Rude! You're the best!"

Vincent thought he saw a little red in Rude's cheeks.

Tifa headed over to Reno's collapsed self and grabbed one of the filled glasses, drinking it down in one shot. With a deep breath, she let out what had to be the "cutest" burp anyone's ever witnessed. "Reefuuh!" she gurgled.

"Okay, see? That was just plain stupid!" Yuffie yelled, glaring at Rude.

"Just leave me alone!" he said in retaliation.

The next match would be between Yuffie Kisaragi and Cid Highwind. Cid was feeling pretty confident, but Yuffie was wearing the biggest grin on her face. It made him feel…uneasy.

"Alrighty, ya chain-smoking moron! I'll show you how we do it in Wutai!"

"Shut yer yappin', kid. You ain't gonna beat me."

Their hands met at the center of the table, and Yuffie continued to snicker like one of those chipmunks from the cartoons Marlene liked to watch.

"On three," Tifa said, placing her hand over theirs.

"One…"

This time, no one was cheering for Yuffie.

"Two…"

"This ain't even worth watchin'! Cid's gonna kill her!"

"I agree."

"THREE!"

Yuffie laughed hysterically as she wobbled Cid's arm over the table, rotating their grasps in circular motions and confusing the pilot's strength.

"Hey! Stop that!" he yelled.

"WAHAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T WIN, YA PUNK! WAHAHAHA!"

Cid tried to force her arm down, but every time he applied some strength, Yuffie jerked her arm around, making him lose focus.

"What NOW ya TURD?!"

When he let go of his strong grip, Yuffie took that chance to slam his arm down, giving her the victory.

"YEAH!" she screamed, jumping up and down gleefully.

Marlene and Denzel were giggling in the back. Tifa and Barret were also smiling at how easily she had defeated Cid.

"That was BULLSHIT! I want a rematch!"

"Oh stop being such a bum! I never said you couldn't do that!"

"That was a sad way to win, Yuffie," Vincent stated.

"Shut up! You're the one who had to turn into a freakin' behemoth to beat Cloud's skinny ass!"

Vincent merely glared back.

"Okay, Cid. I want you to call Shera right now and tell her you love her to death!"

"WHAT?!"

"It's your consequence!"

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF—"

"Cid! She's your wife!"

"Yeah, man, you ain't gonna tell your own wife you love her?!"

"God damn it…" Cid muttered, flipping out his cell phone.

Everyone began to giggle hysterically as the old pilot pressed the phone against his ear.

"Um…yeah…Shera?"

"Listen…uh…"

He scratched his head, glaring at the snickering Yuffie.

"I…um…look…I love you, okay?"

"TO DEATH!" Yuffie roared.

Cid rolled his eyes. "I love you to death, Shera." Then he hung up.

Even Vincent found himself chuckling as the entire bar was filled with laughter. "Aw, Cid! That was adorable! I bet Shera's floating off to heaven right now!" "HEAVEN?! Damn, I'd be surprised if Shera didn't die of a heart attack!"

"Shut up, ya bastards!" Cid said, immediately lighting a cigarette.

Now there were only three matches left, and the tournament had proceeded into the semifinals. Next up were Barret and Vincent.

"You guys should wrestle with your prosthetics!" Yuffie shouted.

The dark, built man made his way over the table for the second time of the night. As long as the gunslinger didn't turn into a beast, he would win this easily.

Vincent joined him, sitting himself at the opposite chair and reaching out his right arm. He already knew which demon he'd bring forth for this match.

"Yo, Vince man, you ain't gonna turn into no monster, are ya?"

"It would be a fair match," Vincent replied.

"Okay! Get ready!"

"Get set!"

"GO!"

Vincent immediately began to alter his form, his muscles rapidly ripping and expanding into three times their normal size. Barret grimaced. He had to win before the transformation was complete. He roared loudly, pushing down with full force. Vincent (who was now sprouting huge metal screws from his neck and wrists) was now inches away from defeat, his massive and deformed hand nearing the table as seconds passed by.

"RAAAAAH!" Barret screamed, trying hard to finish him off.

But it was too late. Vincent was now the Death Gigas, and Barret's large hand was wrapped around an enormous hammer-like limb.

"Damn it!"

"Daddy! Stop saying potty words!"

"Sorry, Marlene."

Vincent took this chance to slam down his opponent's grasp, forcing the table to shake violently under the force.

"Well, son of a—"

"Daddy!"

"Uh…sorry."

Barret shot a quick glare at the hideous humanoid monster. "I still think that's unfair!"

"Oh quit your whining, ya big potty mouth!" Yuffie teased. "So, Vinnie, what's Barret's consequence?"

Vincent, who now had a guaranteed spot in the final round of the tournament, was slowly returning to his normal form.

"I swear, Vince, if you make me do anything like licking some armpits or shit like that, I'll make ya regret it!"

"Actually, I was thinking more on the lines of taking out your braids and showing us what you look like with an afro."

Barret's jaw dropped.

"But I shall be merciful after witnessing what happened to Reno."

The red-headed Turk was drooling over the wooden table, and Cloud, too, had passed out long ago.

"Then what I gotta do?" Barret grunted.

"Hmm…" Vincent wanted to see something good. Perhaps he'd tell Barret to go over and give Rude a nice warm hug…or maybe have him lace fingers with Cid over there…or maybe…

"Okay, Barret. I've decided. I want you to go over and kiss Cloud on the cheek."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!!"

Tifa protested. "Vincent! Don't you think that's a little—"

"It's just a peck on the cheek," he said.

"HEYULL NAW! I AIN'T KISSIN' SPIKE EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!"

Cid chuckled. "Actually, I pity Cloud more than I pity you, Barret."

"Barret! You have to do it!" Yuffie barked, struggling hard to contain her laughter.

"Or else what?! What's gonna happen if I don't do it?!"

The sly ninja smirked. "I'll show Marlene that picture of you in the sailor suit from Costa Del Sol!"

Marlene's eyes widened. "What?"

"OKAY! DAMN IT! I'LL KISS HIM!"

"What picture, daddy?"

"It's nuttin, Marlene, Yuffie's just a big fat liar."

Barret hesitantly walked over to the snoring pair in the far corner of the bar. Cloud's head was resting on his arms, so Barret had to lift him up by the forehead.

"OH MY GAWD! WHERE'S THE CAMERA?!"

Gaia must have had a grudge against Barret Wallace and Cloud Strife, because at the exact moment of Barret's contact with Cloud's cheek, the ex-SOLDIER's eyes flashed open, and they shuttered with terror.

"OHMYGODWHATTHEHELLDOYOUTHINKYOU'REDOINGYOUSONOFA—"

"Cloud! Calm down, man! Vincent made me do it!"

Cloud was panting heavily, his face red from shock, fear and anger. Without saying another word, he dashed up the stairs and slammed the bathroom door shut. Tifa assumed he was washing his face.

"Yuffie," Vincent said.

"Yeah?"

"Did you get it?"

"Sure did!"

"Excellent."

Barret turned his angry gaze to the two. "Get _what?!"_

"Oh nothing!" Yuffie smiled, hiding the camera behind her back.

After another episode of Barret frantically trying to snatch away the camera from Yuffie and Vincent, Tifa managed to regain peace within the bar, and the tournament continued. Yuffie and Rude were up next, and the Turk was determined not to lose like Cid; he wouldn't fall for such childish tricks.

Little did he know that Yuffie Kisaragi had something _else_ in mind.

"Ready…"

"Set…"

"GO!"

"AAGGGHHHH!!!"

Rude screamed madly, the pain was unbearable! Yuffie was pressing her fingers tightly against some pressure points, grinning wildly as she slammed the Turk's hand down, achieving yet another cheap victory.

"That _hurt!"_ Rude whined, rubbing his hand and sweating like a dog.

"Sorry, Roodie!"

"Damn," Cid said. "Who woulda thought the finals would come down to Yuffie and Vincent?"

"This is the crappiest arm-wrestling tournament _ever!_ Ain't no one keepin' the rules!" Barret roared.

"Shut up! You're just mad you lost and had to kiss Cloud!" Yuffie teased. Rude was still massaging his palm, glaring at the girl through his sunglasses. "What must I do?" he asked.

Yuffie had already thought this through. "I want you to take off those sunglasses!"

AVALANCHE members had never been there to see Rude without his shades, and it was indeed a fact that each and every one of them was curious to know what he looked like without them.

"Get the camera ready!" she snapped, and Vincent responded with a nod. With a deep sigh, Rude slowly took off his sunglasses, revealing the sharp eyes underneath. There was another quick flash and a _click_.

"And you gotta _keep_ 'em off the whole night!"

So far, there had been six arm-wrestling matches between eight people who each had participated in the salvation of the world. Finally, the tournament reached the final round, the match that would determine the world's strongest. Vincent Valentine and Yuffie Kisaragi stepped up to the table, their eyes blazing with determination.

Vincent decided he would win the match in his human form, for it would be too embarrassing to have to resort to his demons against the puny little brat Yuffie. He'd have to be cautious of her little tricks, though.

Yuffie was just smiling like a little child who was about to enter the biggest candy store in the world. This was what she had been waiting for. The whole "arm-wrestling" idea…the whole tournament…every win…every loss…they had all gone according to her genius plan.

"Okay, guys, this is it!" Tifa said. "The winner of this match is the champion!"

"Bullshit," Cid hissed. "I swear to God, if Yuffie wins…"

"This has turned out to be very interesting," Nanaki stated, his flaming tail whipping across the air.

"I wonder what kind of trick Yuffie will pull off this time," Reeve whispered into his ear.

"Okay, on three!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"Three!"

_Mwa!_

_Whack!_

The match was over.

"WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!"

Yuffie had won.

"Well I'll be damned…I didn't see that one coming…"

"What?! What happened?!"

Vincent remained frozen, only the corner of his mouth was twitching slightly.

"I think Yuffie kissed him."

"Wow."

"Damn, so Vincent lost."

Yuffie raised her chin up victoriously. Since the start of the tournament, she knew Vincent would be her last opponent. She had succeeded in taking pictures of Reno without his elastic, Barret kissing Cloud, and Rude without his sunglasses. She had made Cid confess his love to Shera, Tifa burp out her name, and Cloud admit his crush on Tifa. And now, she had kissed Vincent Valentine and claimed the title as the world's strongest.

The rest of the night consisted of laughs and giggles. Cloud had locked the door to his room after washing his face for what seemed like hours. Cid and Rude squeezed out toothpaste all over the sleeping Reno, and Tifa played board games with Marlene and Denzel. Cid kicked back and smoked the rest of his pack, while Yuffie continued to laugh hysterically at the images in her digital camera.

As he made his way back home from a long day of work, a passerby spotted a red-cloaked man with long dark hair walking down the street. He was the last person to see Vincent Valentine for a very, very long time.


End file.
